I feel so frustrated and on edge today. Don't know why, exactly. I think I'm just tired and have no time just to myself. Then I feel so guilty for feeling this way and saying this because I know I have a comparatively good and easy life. So I hate to complain. And I'm not really complaining, I'm just edgy.
I have been going to Austin and Melissa's house one or two days a week since they moved in order to help, but I think I'm going to have to pass this week. It's wearing me out and it frustrates me. There's so much to do there and every time I go down I feel like I'm starting all over again. It feels like there's more to do each week instead of feeling like the progress made equals the time put in. I was there two days last week and then they came here on Saturday to clean out the old house. We kept the boys Saturday and overnight, then met their mom and dad half way on Sunday to eat late lunch and hand them back over. Now this weekend again they are coming back to town to (hopefully) finish cleaning and get the house ready to rent and list for sale. Again I'll be helping, either by keeping the boys or cleaning. Even though I don't really mind doing either, it makes me tired and then I get behind in my own work.
Austin also is having his first inspection by the higher ups at his recruiting office and he was very nervous. This makes me nervous. My feelings have always been connected with Austin's. First child and all, I guess. I always feel whatever he is feeling. Weird or normal? I don't know. I don't have that same kind of mental connection with Brandon. Of course I love them both, but Austin is more of a worrier himself and much more sensitive and for some odd reason I pick up on that even if I'm not physically with him. Weird?I've also gotten behind in bookkeeping and computer work for my husband's Financial Planning business. One of my New Year's resolutions was to stay current on this and I'm so not there yet. Since I'm usually pretty organized, this unorganized portion of my life is starting to drive me crazy. And being that this is the money maker that makes it possible for me to do all the other things that I do, you would think this would be my first priority. I'll get there. It's not that much fun so I procrastinate on this job.
So now that I've written out all my issues I feel better already. As you can see these are really all non-issues that now that I see it in front of me if feels like I'm worrying about abstract "what if's" and there is in reality nothing wrong. So ---- I need to quit worrying about things that haven't happened. I need to say "no" more often. I need to take more time for myself no matter what others need or want from me.
Oh, I feel much better now. I needed to take this time to organize my thoughts. OK, now I'm ready to move on. I'm going to go upstairs to my little studio, turn on Oprah, and make a pincushion.
8 comments:
OH Nina! I can so relate! When my Sister's house flooded in September... I worked there every day. Dirty, nasty, stinking work. Well, it had to be done and I needed to help. On any given day when I decided to do something other than be there to help, I felt guilty. And proceeded to get right back down there to work. It was almost as though it wasn't worth the guilt to have some free time. So, I hope that you will be able to balance it all out. Perhaps it will be good to visit your Grandmother at the nursing home part of the day and spend some time with your husband's business. Probably not much help but I hear you and truly understand. Hugs from Georgia!
Now you're talking! I used to be so much like you. My glass top tables had to be cleaned daily. Now? Sometimes I just walk by and draw a happy face in the dust and know it will be there tomorrow, or the next day. No one else really cared about the things that drove me insane but me.
I love that you are letting go and treating yourself to a bit of relaxation...even if it is just Oprah and American Idol. I personally can't wait for Amazing Race to start!
I get overwhelmed like that at times. I need organization in my life and when I feel like I am losing control of it I get frustrated. My daughter is just the opposite. It drives me crazy to try and help her do anything. It's like taking one step forward and two steps back - kinda like you describe. I understand your feelings. Step back and take a deep breath. I hope things get better for you.
Thank you all for understanding. It makes me feel better to know I'm not the only one that gets like this. I'm sure I'll feel better tomorrow.
G. J. - you're right. I know no one cares about the things that drive me insane. I feel I'm getting worse as I get older instead of the other way around.
And tomorrow is another day. Hope it's easier. Hugs, Marla
You are an amazing person in all you accomplish in one day! You are right, though: in learning how to say no you open up a chance to get more accomplished that helps you, rather than others. And you're also right about sharing it with us to get a better handle on it. I hope your grandmother is able to move on soon. It sounds so hard to bear. I hear you.
There's nothing like a bit of writing therapy, Nina. Seeing our worries on paper, so to speak, somehow puts things in perspective. I was like you but as I got older the jobs lost their so-called urgency ... leastwise in my mind.
Always take time for you no matter what else is going on. For me, taking time out helps me re-energize and then I'm able to get back to the tasks at hand!
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