I feel so frustrated and on edge today. Don't know why, exactly. I think I'm just tired and have no time just to myself. Then I feel so guilty for feeling this way and saying this because I know I have a comparatively good and easy life. So I hate to complain. And I'm not really complaining, I'm just edgy.
I have been going to Austin and Melissa's house one or two days a week since they moved in order to help, but I think I'm going to have to pass this week. It's wearing me out and it frustrates me. There's so much to do there and every time I go down I feel like I'm starting all over again. It feels like there's more to do each week instead of feeling like the progress made equals the time put in. I was there two days last week and then they came here on Saturday to clean out the old house. We kept the boys Saturday and overnight, then met their mom and dad half way on Sunday to eat late lunch and hand them back over. Now this weekend again they are coming back to town to (hopefully) finish cleaning and get the house ready to rent and list for sale. Again I'll be helping, either by keeping the boys or cleaning. Even though I don't really mind doing either, it makes me tired and then I get behind in my own work.
Austin also is having his first inspection by the higher ups at his recruiting office and he was very nervous. This makes me nervous. My feelings have always been connected with Austin's. First child and all, I guess. I always feel whatever he is feeling. Weird or normal? I don't know. I don't have that same kind of mental connection with Brandon. Of course I love them both, but Austin is more of a worrier himself and much more sensitive and for some odd reason I pick up on that even if I'm not physically with him. Weird?I've also gotten behind in bookkeeping and computer work for my husband's Financial Planning business. One of my New Year's resolutions was to stay current on this and I'm so not there yet. Since I'm usually pretty organized, this unorganized portion of my life is starting to drive me crazy. And being that this is the money maker that makes it possible for me to do all the other things that I do, you would think this would be my first priority. I'll get there. It's not that much fun so I procrastinate on this job.
So now that I've written out all my issues I feel better already. As you can see these are really all non-issues that now that I see it in front of me if feels like I'm worrying about abstract "what if's" and there is in reality nothing wrong. So ---- I need to quit worrying about things that haven't happened. I need to say "no" more often. I need to take more time for myself no matter what others need or want from me.
Oh, I feel much better now. I needed to take this time to organize my thoughts. OK, now I'm ready to move on. I'm going to go upstairs to my little studio, turn on Oprah, and make a pincushion.
